Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I stole a fireplace last night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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