I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
