just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
