i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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