hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
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Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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I am never drinking with the goths again.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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