Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
