I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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