we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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