your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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