Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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