My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
