If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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