Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
