i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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