I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
