why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
