You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
