you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
