You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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