Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
