I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
