worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
