apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
