Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
