So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
