Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
