Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
