We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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