Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
