Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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