dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
