thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
