Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
