a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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