by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize