ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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