I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
