people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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