You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
