You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
