She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
