At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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