This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize