We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
