What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
