He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
