Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
there's paper in my vomit.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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