I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
