I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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