i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
