I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The beer is more important than you right now.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
