I got chris browned last night
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
