there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We had to coat check the pizza.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
