don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
