Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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