I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
