he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
