I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
