i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
