im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
