i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
