Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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