Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
