And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
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This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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