This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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