no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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