I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
