Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
