he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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