When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
