Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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