Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
