Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
