the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
