im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
