Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
