He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
