how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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