dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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