loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
