If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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