I CAN MOONWALK!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
a search helicopter?!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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