Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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