This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
