I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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